Attention Canadian Youth! Mike Thinks You're Morons

Seig heil to all my readers. I have now proclaimed myself the infallible ruler of the nation. Get ready to do my bidding. Ok, you're probably thinking at this point that I've gone right round the bend. Well it's not so crazy because it would probably be quite easy just to take over the country and make myself emperor of Canada. Especially given how blasé people are when it comes to their leadership, namely those under 25. If you're in that age group and you're reading this, my comments are obviously not directed at you. I got a chance to view CBC's "Screw the Vote" documentary today. Yes, I know it's five years old but judging by the reaction from the rest of the class, it's just as relevant today as it was back in 2004. The spoof "don't vote" campaign looked at why Canadians 18 to 25 have the lowest voter turnout out of any age group; 22% turnout at the time. The documentary annoyed and frustrated me. So I figured I'd do an unabashed writeup of the top five reasons why young people don't vote, then bust the BS wide open.

1. I'm too busy to vote
Whaaaa.... (cocks head like a dog that's head a strange noise). By law, all employers and schools must provide time to for their people to vote. A full hour I believe. Plus there are plenty of advanced polling stations that allow people to vote early. What on Earth could be so pressing in your personal life that you can't make time to drop a piece of paper into a box?! Ok, maybe if Grandma died I'd accept that excuse but seriously, nobody is so busy they can't take five minutes out of their day to determine the future of the entire country/province/city.

2. Voting is inaccessible
Polling stations are everywhere, heck they even have them on university/college campuses. Internet voting just dilutes to process into something akin to American Idol. Get up off your fat ass and drive five minutes to your nearest polling station. And for the love of god please don't tell me you're too busy to do that.

3. Youths/minorities are disenfranchised
"So yah, like, all the people in Ottawa are a bunch of old white men who don't represent my [insert race, ethnicity, religion, bohemian lifestyle of choice]." Uh huh. So not voting is the best way to get representation for your people? Well of course it works! I mean look at all those black people who didn't vote for Obama en mass... oh, bad example. Well we all know that Punjabi people in Brampton can't vote for Indian MPs.... oh, sorry, another bad example. This is the absolute largest pile of bullshit I've ever heard from young people and minority groups. The reason nobody in Ottawa is there to represent you is because you deliberately choose not to vote or run for office to protest that there's nobody in Ottawa to represent you. If you actually think not voting is the best way to encourage representation, you're a dumb ass.

4. My vote is wasted under the current system
Ok, you've already heard my rant about proportional representation. You want to change the system to get smaller parties in for more direct representation of the people by switching to a system where faceless representatives are picked from a list, written up by the same old white dudes you hate so much so they can get all their old white buddies in office. There's a vary good reason for keeping the fringe radicals out of the lime lite anyway, because it creates nightmarish deadlock and nothing gets done. So all you end up with is a bunch of crazies who answer to no one. Smaller ridings might help votes get better represented, or a "none of the above" option may help. Seriously though, a single vote counts a heck of a lot more than no vote at all.

5. Democracy is just a way to get the man to keep oppressing you
Yah, some people actually consider this a legitimate reason for not voting. Of course we cannot accuse Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Castro, Mao Zedong, Mugabe, the Taliban, Gadhafi, the Khamer Rouge, Pinochet, Ho Chi Mihn, Tojo, Franco, and Kim Jong Il of ever oppressing anyone, especially minorities. If you actually believe that not voting is the best way to stick it to the man, you're an ass hole. That's the best way to get the true dictators in power.

Note: My swearing here is a parody of the "Screw the Vote" documentary, which uses similar language. So much for the prim and proper CBC.