Catastrophe! What Catastrophe?!

I need a trillion dollars to combat a vary real and vary serious dilemma facing society today. I've got a sequestering plan that's going to cost a lot but it will prevent harm to the human race. I'm going to need a lot of concrete, tax dollars, and manpower to put this plan together but for god's sake, it's for the future of humanity and of our children. Of course I'm talking about the big threat that's been looming over our head for decades now, caused directly by man's meddling with nature. Zombies. Yes, the undead are a pox on our modern society because we disrespected nature by playing football with that skull I found in the ancient Indian burial ground. It's anthropogenic zombification at its worst! All the shower heads, ice augers, and shotguns in the world aren't going to save the planet this time. We need to bury the dead deep underground and encase their corpses in concrete to prevent them from ever rising up!
Ok, I could apply the same logic to every nonsensical scenario in the book. There's no proof that zombies exist so acting immediately in order to prevent an impending apocalypse of the living dead makes no sense. Maybe I'm going too far on a limb here with this tongue-in-cheek joke about global warming and the UN's alarmist position on something many feel is a non-existent issue.

Obama went in front of the UN today declaring that the United States needs to act immediately to prevent climate change. Never mind that he's already put the country another trillion dollars in debt. I suppose we could still find more money for Al Gores schemes and the grants to biased scientists who support his weak theory. The middle classes still aren't paying their fair share after all. There are lots of holes in the anthropogenic global warming theory. Perhaps the biggest one of all, assuming they're right, is just how exactly do we reverse it anyway. I've been reading a lot of articles on the subject and so far nobody has a satisfying answer to this question. Oh sure, we can all abandon our cars, throw the industrialized world out the window, and go back to partying if it 'twas 1299. That would stop it in the sense that you're not making the problem any worse. Of course to listen to the climate hysterics, the problem has already reached critical mass. Our climate is already out of control.

Ok, so what if we pump carbon dioxide underground and "sequester" it in big holding tanks? I remember hearing about this idea last year and it seems to be the scheme de jour. I suppose it makes sense in theory. A lot of things look good on paper though. You're going to store CO2 in these tanks, but how do you collect that much in the first place? How much will it cost to build these tanks and where will they be located? I'm sure a lot of people will be thrilled to bits to have one in their town. Also, what happens if one springs a leak? CO2 is now a pollutant after all, according to his Obamaness and Sir Al of Gore. So in that case you have a leaky, expensive, pressure vessel sitting under someone's back yard, with no way to fill it. Positively lovely!

That seems to be a general trend with climate change. Lots of ideas that will never work, but they all cost a huge fortune to implement. Yet somehow all these people on the green side, such as Michael Ignatiff in his recent attack ads, all claim that it will not effect the economy. That's BS and they know it but people are too stupid to see it, and the ones who perpetrate it couldn't care less about whether somebody has a job or not. It's all about wealth redistribution and expanding the already bloated size of government. Oddly, the only people these climate schemes actually seem to benefit are wealthy politicians and activists, while the rest of us get screwed as always. We really need to stop wasting our precious time and resources on this climate rubbish. With so many other pressing problems in the world, it's become a distraction at best. The rhetoric about saving the planet is nothing more than political masturbation. Let's focus on real issues; crime, poverty, the economy, rather than blaming all of humanity's strife on invisible gases.